Dear Doctor,
When we had gotten a prenatal diagnosis of Down Syndrome and we were nearing the due date for our Sam's birth, my OB suggested I call the hospital to speak with one of the Pediatricians who may be present at my son's birth. I hoped to speak with the doctor who assisted in my first child's birth, but I kept an open mind when the call was put through to you. I explained that we were expecting a baby with Down Syndrome, that we were nervous about his diagnosis, but very excited to welcome this new little boy into our lives. I think your mind was less open than mine.
You said my baby would not exclusively breastfeed, as babies with DS do not. You told me he would have feeding issues, altogether, and would have problems gaining weight as an infant. You went as far as to predict that he would later have issues with being overweight when he was older. You told me about heart issues, bowel issues, and thyroid issues that come with Down Syndrome. You told me about low tone, which is what will cause his physical delays. You made sure to mention all the things that this already anxious mom-of-a-special-needs-baby-to-be would need to worry about. Yes, I heard you, Dear Doctor. These were all the things I had already researched for what I COULD expect with a down syndrome diagnosis.
Do you know what you failed to mention? What was certain about my child? That he would be loved. Immensely. That he would shine a light on our days, and everyone whose path he may cross. Do you know what you could have said about my future child? That he would stop people in their tracks with his smile and wave. That he would dance even when there was no music, because he was filled with so much joy. That he will achieve every milestone, in his own time, and when he does…. WOW!.... It will mean so much more because he has to try so much harder than a typical child. He is so strong and so determined. Do you know what you should have said about all those other conditions? That he MAY suffer from heart issues, bowel issues and thyroid issues. Thank God, he does not. And honestly, Dear Doctor, it was your words “he will not exclusively breastfeed” that lit a fire inside me, and with much determination and hard work, we did it. Thank you for that.
So, Dear Doctor, I'm sure in your practice you will come across another soon-to-be or new mother of a child with down syndrome, and when you do, please focus on the good things they will expect. Sure, mention those may be’s. Let them know the things that COULD happen. That is important, too, but please, focus on the positive, because there is so much more of that. Talk about the achievements that WILL happen. Talk about the light he will shine. Focus on the love and joy this child will bring into the world. These things are certain.
Sincerely,
The proud mother of a two year old with Down Sydrome.
